“That’s mine”, “I had it first”, “It’s my turn now”! Have you found a cure for spoiled kids? I’m still searching myself.
Parenting is hard y’all.
Wisdom says “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart form it”. But no one told my spoiled kids that they should go in the way I am training them!!!!!!!
I often wonder what I am doing wrong. Do you ever wonder that?
Just a side note:
I (Tiffany) am the youngest of 4 in a typical American dysfunctional family. We are a his, hers and theirs family. Of the 4, 0 of us are on the life path my parents envisioned. LOL (kisses to any family reading this!)
I can picture my mother crying some nights ‘What happened’!?!?!?
Now, I am not one to lay blame – So I won’t. I will say my parents did the best they knew how to do. They told us the right way to do things, while struggling to figure out how to live it in that season themselves.
It can be hard to figure out how to raise these Little Blessings well!
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forward… an undisclosed number of years ? and I am a parent who can appreciate what my parents were up against. Raise your hand if you appreciate the struggles your parents had – now that you are a parent!
But that still leaves me in this uncomfortable unknown place.
What can I do differently to be sure that these Little blessings grow up the way I am training them?
I mean, I do not want to launch spoiled rotten little brats into the world!
I needed to ask some long game questions:
- What character traits do I want them to have as adults?
- How can I be sure there are heart deep behavior habits?
But of course, parenting rarely goes as planned! I have to be very intentional about this – even in the way I pray!
So I tell them to share, be kind, behave, use gracious words, show respect, etc. But they don’t. Let me clarify. They know how to do all the above and they choose to behave these ways in public most of the time. But when we are at home… no deal. Why not?
Well, can I be honest with you? At home is when I am my most real self. I let down my walls and my smile takes a break. I do not always act the way I want my children to act.
They see the 2-face in me. And they imitate it.
I feel that shame… Those little blessings know how to push all my buttons and I often react badly. But I found several things to fight back against the shame and selfishness in me that leads to their acting spoiled and selfish!
Step 1 Change myself
I began to pin scripture about anger around the house. God is the only one strong enough to change this sin in me from the inside out!
Step 2 Recognize my triggers
When I find a trigger – that thing they do that raises my voice… I take a mommy time out. (usually to the bathroom because it is the door that locks in our house!) I have verses pinned up there – about anger and trusting God.
I began seeing my children’s extreme misbehavior as an opportunity to evaluate my behavior. Hear me mom – It’s not always a reflection of me… but sometimes it is. I have to own my part. If I want them to grow I have to grow!
Step 3 Apologize
This is simple, but difficult. It requires humility. But – hey, humility is a character trait I want in my children! So I live this out with them! We talk about ways we can both do better next time. That is a cure for the spoiled in us all.
Step 4 Random Acts of Kindness
The last thing I’ve started doing is where I want to hang out. I have Selfish spoiled kids. Do you?
What makes them selfish? People Say “Kids will be kids” and “Only time will change their selfish nature”?!?!?!
That’s. Not. True!
There are things that cure the spoiled in my children!
Several times each year we make things to take to our neighbors. I remember the first year we knocked on the door across the street – what an odd look. But what a smile when they realized we had a gift for them.
- We plan for weeks ahead of time.
- They save $ to buy materials.
- We set aside time to craft the project.
- Time is also set aside to pray for our neighbors – who we know by name now.
When the day comes – no matter the weather – my little blessings are eager to deliver their creations with love and a hug or two.
I see these spoiled kids thinking this Random Act of Kindness through. They are processing how we can show kindness to those around us. This is fostering a generous spirit in them – I see them make things for each other and us now without prompting.
Random Acts of Kindness cause my spoiled kids to look beyond themselves. This is the Cure for selfishness.
My Disclaimer: This takes planning. We have to be intentional! But the Payout is beautiful.
This year we have been working on origami in school (I homeschool our little blessings).
We decided to take one of those crafts (an angry bird Bookmark) and make them for our neighbors this thanksgiving.
Check out the link here to RedTedArt and her easy to follow origami directions!
Okay, it’s your turn!
What 1 step will you take today to begin intentionally parenting your little blessings with the end in mind?
Do you have a vision of the person those little blessings will be when they are grown?
What project could you fit into your busy life to demonstrate kindness to your neighbors?
I’d love to hear what you are planning. Drop a comment below and tell me all about it!