Now that I’ve sent my second child off to college, I thought it was time to share some advice for parents of college freshmen.
I’ve already survived a few years of having a college student (my oldest is starting his senior year of college as I write this) and my daughter is just starting her freshman year.
As we’ve been planning and packing and running last-minute errands, I’ve been immersed in all the excitement and anxiety I experienced three years ago when my oldest went off to college.
Jump to:
How do I Cope With Sending my Child to College?
If you’re anything like me, when your first child leaves for college you become acutely aware of how true the statement “They grow up fast!” really is. Driving my son to college three years ago I was teary-eyed picturing how fast my baby grew into a man.
Now I’m watching my daughter strike out on her own and I’m having the same thoughts. I keep seeing snapshots in my head of her as a baby, toddler, child, and tween.
So, before we can help our kids, we need to make sure we’re ready to help ourselves through this transition.
Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel sad and experience a sense of loss. You’re not alone in what you’re going through โ I’ve already shared with you all of the feelings I’m going through.
When the big moving day comes, it can get overwhelming, but stay calm. Remember that you’ve planned for this specific day and you’ve been planning your child for this day his/her whole life โ and even if everything doesn’t go perfectly, you can make adjustments.
It’s okay to do things for yourself, in fact it will help you get through this transition. Usually, moms are so busy taking care of their kids that they don’t take the time to take care of themselves โ you can do that now โ go to the spa, start your hobby again, hang out with your friends, etc.
Now that you know how to help yourself, here are some things I learned the first go-round to help other parents send their kids off to college for the first time.
Set Up a Student Checking Account
If you thought your child’s first 18 years went fast, buckle up because the next four years are going to fly by. Sooner than you realize, your child will really be an independent grown-up so now’s the time to really focus on having them take on all of their responsibilities.
If your child doesn’t already know how to manage money, college is the perfect time to learn and practice.
Help your child choose the right kind of bank account and develop a plan to start building a credit history. Make sure it’s a place where your student doesn’t have to be afraid to ask questions if they’re confused or have trouble with their account.
Make sure they understand their budget, student loans, and other financial responsibilities. Openly discussing money can help them make informed choices and reduce stress.
Set Up Zelle
Once your child has a checking account, it will be easy for you to send money to him or her if you choose to. A really easy way to do this is with Zelle.
Zelle is a peer-to-peer digital payment network that lets you send and receive money to your contacts quickly and easily. No need to exchange bank account information.
Not only is it an easy way for you to send your child money, Zelle is also a convenient way for college friends to cover one another, keep track of what’s owed, and pay each other back. When your child has roommates, it’s an easy way for them to split bills.
Help Them Pack
More than likely your son/daughter will need help knowing what they need to bring to the dorms and they’ll probably also need help packing it all up.
If they haven’t already received a list of things they can/cannot have in the dorm, then make sure they look that up.
Then, here’s a post with a free printable college packing list for living in a dorm that will help you both know what to pack.
Encourage Time Management
Help them set realistic goals and manage their time effectively. This can include offering tips on organization or simply discussing how to balance academics with social activities.
Educate Them About Resources
Make sure they are aware of campus resources such as resident assistants, counseling services, academic advisors, and student organizations. Encourage them to utilize these resources if they need help.
Students who are involved in student organizations usually enjoy their college years more and do better in their studies. Getting to know other students and staff in these organizations can ease your studentโs adjustment to college because they’ll feel like they have a place to belong.
Since technology is a huge part of your son/daughter’s life, these Best Apps for College Students will help them with studying, safety and saving money.
Now that all of that important information is taken care of, let’s talk about what to do once it’s time for your student to start school.
Get Out of the Way Quick
As tempting as it is to linger and reassure your child in a new setting, the best thing you can do for a smooth transition is to get out of the way as soon as possible. Help your child move into the dorm and get situated, then GO HOME.
Your child is going to be eager to explore and meet people but will feel guilty about kicking you out. Don’t force them to ask you to leave.
I recently heard on a podcast that one mom wasn’t sure how to handle this transition, so her husband suggested they stay in a hotel for the rest of the weekend. That way their son knew that if he ended up needing something from them, they were still there for a couple of days.
Use the Right Communication Tools
We might have grown up with phone calls as our primary means of connecting with others, but that isn’t true anymore. Your child may prefer text messaging, video chatting or Snapchat.
Sure, you can still call your child and ask your child to call you. But, if you want to remain a regular part of your college child’s daily life, it’s best to adapt to how your child likes to communicate.
Start a Snapchat streak with your child. Send occasional home updates via text. Set up a time to video chat once a week.
Plan Visits
During my son’s freshman year, we made the critical error of failing to plan our first visit. So, a few weeks after school started when we finally decided to make a plan, we weren’t able to find a weekend that was both convenient for us and my son that we could also afford.
Fun Fact: Popular weekends to visit campus (e.g. Homecoming and Parent’s Weekend) are also the most expensive times to book a hotel. Think double or triple normal rates!
By the time we found a weekend that worked, it was only 2 weeks before he would be coming home for Thanksgiving break so we skipped it. My son was terribly homesick and it broke my heart.
Now, we plan our visits as soon as the kids get their schedules so all of us can clear those weekends and budget time and money accordingly.
Send Care Packages
College life is super fun but also very different from your child’s life at home. Occasional treats from home are a great way to ease homesickness and provide a little stress relief to your child.
There are several care package ideas for college students, but the key thing is to send items you know your child will like and that will bring them fond memories. Incorporate their favorite interests (e.g. snacks, colors, characters) and make sure to include a note with an inside joke or family motto.
Do keep in mind that dorm rooms are small and that your child is missing many of the amenities from home. Keep items small and consumable/disposable.
Let Them Make Mistakes
If you’re paying for college, it can be tempting to want to control your child’s activities and behavior even though they are no longer at home. While you should absolutely share your expectations and hopes with your child, it’s time to trust your past 18 years of parenting and your child.
By all means, watch for signs of trouble so that you can step in and help before serious problems arise. But resist the urge to micromanage your child.
In general, many of the mistakes they make in college will bear less serious consequences than if they make them as an adult. Allow your child to make mistakes and learn from them. This will be far more powerful than you dictating to him or her how to behave.
Congratulations on raising a motivated and independent adult! I hope the advice above makes this first year of college a pleasant experience for both you and your child.