Because the habits they build now shape who they become later.
By the time kids turn 10, they've already developed core habits, beliefs, and behaviors that will stick with them for life.
So, I asked child development experts what lessons are most important to teach kids before they hit double digits.
Here are the seven things they all agreed on.
1. How to Handle Money
What most parents do:
- Give kids money occasionally but don't explain how to use it.
- Wait until they're older to talk about saving and spending.
What experts say instead:
- Start teaching basic money skills by age 5-7.
- Show kids how to earn, save, and spend wisely.
Pro Tip: Give kids a small allowance and let them decide how to use it (with guidance).
The result: Kids develop smart money habits early-before mistakes get expensive.
(Source: National Endowment for Financial Education)
2. The Power of Saying "No"
What most parents do:
- Encourage sharing and being agreeable (which is great).
- Forget to teach kids how to set boundaries.
What experts say instead:
- Kids need to learn to say "no" confidently-to friends, adults, and even parents.
- Practicing small boundaries helps them stand up for themselves later.
Pro Tip: Let kids make small choices (like picking their clothes or deciding if they want a hug) so they get comfortable with personal boundaries.
The result: They grow up confident, assertive, and better at avoiding peer pressure.
(Source: American Academy of Pediatrics)
3. How to Handle Disappointment
What most parents do:
- Try to fix problems quickly so kids don't feel upset.
- Let kids win to avoid frustration.
What experts say instead:
- Let kids experience small failures so they learn to cope.
- Teach them to say "This is hard, but I can figure it out."
Pro Tip: Use phrases like "I know this is frustrating, but what's one thing you can do next?" to build problem-solving skills.
The result: They develop resilience instead of giving up.
(Source: Harvard University's Center on the Developing Child)
4. Why Kindness Matters (Even When No One's Watching)
What most parents do:
- Focus on manners and politeness when adults are around.
- Praise kids for good behavior when they're being watched.
What experts say instead:
- True kindness happens when no one is looking.
- Kids should learn that small, everyday kindnesses matter.
Pro Tip: Ask at dinner: "What's one kind thing you did today that no one noticed?"
The result: Kids develop genuine empathy and integrity.
(Source: Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley)
5. How to Speak Up When Something Feels Wrong
What most parents do:
- Teach kids to be respectful, but not always assertive.
- Expect kids to automatically report problems.
What experts say instead:
- Kids need to practice speaking up about unfairness or discomfort.
- Role-playing helps them build confidence in tough situations.
Pro Tip: Teach kids clear phrases like "That's not okay with me" or "I need help with this" so they feel prepared.
The result: They feel empowered to stand up for themselves and others.
(Source: Child Mind Institute)
6. How to Take Care of Themselves
What most parents do:
- Handle most basic tasks for kids.
- Assume they'll learn self-care later.
What experts say instead:
- By age 10, kids should know basic hygiene, simple cooking, and how to clean up after themselves.
- Teaching independence boosts confidence and responsibility.
Pro Tip: Let kids pack their own school bag and make their own lunch (even if it's messy at first).
The result: They grow up capable, confident, and ready for real life.
(Source: Montessori Method)
7. That They Are Loved Unconditionally
What most parents do:
- Give praise based on achievements.
- Assume kids know they're loved.
What experts say instead:
- Kids need to hear "I love you no matter what."
- Unconditional love builds self-worth and emotional security.
Pro Tip: Say "I love you because you're you"-not just when they do something great.
The result: Kids grow up knowing their worth isn't based on success.
(Source: American Psychological Association)
Teaching These Lessons Now Makes Life Easier Later
Experts agree-the lessons kids learn before 10 stick with them for life.
By focusing on confidence, resilience, and kindness now, you're setting them up for success in every stage of life.
Which of these lessons do you think is most important? Drop a comment-I'd love to hear!
