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How to Help Your Son Be a Confident Person

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As parents, we hope each of our children is a confident person. Unfortunately, so many kids, especially teens, suffer from a lack of confidence. That’s why I want to share some tips to help you raise a confident son.

a young man sitting on brick steps with title text reading How to Raise a Confident Son

As a society, we tend to focus on girls’ self-esteem. When I was a teenager, I definitely struggled with self-confidence issues.

But now that I have sons AND daughters, I realize that we underestimate how much boys struggle with self-confidence too. And during the teen years, the rapid physical and hormonal changes, coupled with the stress of new responsibilities and demands can cause a lack of confidence in teen boys.

I have three sons (a 21-year old and two 16-year olds) so this topic is near and dear to me.

three boys standing with their arms around each other outside

Thankfully, there’s a lot we can do to help counteract the forces that have a negative impact on our sons’ self-esteem. Even better, it’s a wonderful opportunity to arm your son with skills that will benefit him throughout life, not just adolescence.

How to Help Your Son Be a Confident Person

Even though teenagers don’t often act like they value our opinions and advice, they do. In many ways, the teen years are like the toddler years — your child is just testing his boundaries and your resilience.

So, even if you don’t see an immediate, visible response when you’re working on building your teen’s confidence, don’t give up. Your efforts and words are doing their work beneath the surface.

Here are some things you can do to help your son be a confident person:

Identify Confidence Factors

One of the easiest ways to help boost your son’s confidence is to figure out what is affecting it. Since teens are notorious for being tight-lipped with their parents, this might take some guesswork on your part.

That’s okay, because you can figure it out by simply paying attention. For example, one of my 16-year olds all of a sudden wanted to go shopping for new jeans since his were all high waters (a typical problem when you’re 5′ 9″ and 105 pounds).

a boy standing outside with a lake in the background

He also asked me about what type of hair product he could use. Apparently, his appearance matters to him right now.

Meanwhile, my other 16-year old son is showering twice a day — in the morning before school and in the evening after wrestling practice.

I understand why he wants to shower after rolling around on the wrestling mat, but shouldn’t he still be clean the next morning? Clearly, personal hygiene has become a priority.

Also, my wrestler tends to get really fit during wrestling season from all the conditioning. He’s pretty proud of those muscles (a lot of humble bragging goes on between November and February), but less thrilled about the random aches and pains that sometimes have him moving like a robot or senior citizen.

a boy sitting on brick steps with a door in the background

Evidently, muscles are good, until they are sore. Then they get in the way of a teen boy’s swagger.

So pay attention to your son. Is he eating differently? Dressing differently? Starting new hobbies or sports?

All of these changes are clues about what matters to your son right now. And if it matters, it’s going to affect his confidence.

Arm Him With Tools

Once you know which things are affecting your son’s self-confidence, provide him with tools to master those areas.

The right clothes

For my son who was concerned with his appearance, we went shopping for clothes that fit him better. It took some looking, but we finally found several pairs of 16 slim jeans with adjustable waists so he could tighten them enough to fit properly.

I don’t think you have to dress your kids in designer clothes to protect their self-esteem. But well-fitting clothes that they are comfortable in CAN and DO make a big difference!

The right grooming products

We also picked up some hair putty and experimented with a couple of styles until we found one he liked and could do on his own. Relying on your mom to style your hair is NOT a confidence booster.

Again, I didn’t head to a salon to get the most expensive hair putty I could find. Instead, I chose one that has a scent he likes and is easy to use.

The right hygiene products

For my shower-obsessed son, I wanted to provide shower products that helped him get really clean quickly and easily. And, because I’ve been on a long campaign to eliminate harmful chemicals from my home, I wanted products that were all natural, especially since he’d be applying them directly to his body.

I was super excited to discover Prep U products. They are natural, effective body care products that are designed specifically for boys.

We also shopped together for cologne. He specifically wanted clean smelling colognes and there were plenty to choose from. I think involving him in the process of choosing his scent was an important step in building his confidence about making those decisions for himself.

Make Him Feel Valued

The simple act of providing my son with products that were meant just for his use made him feel more valued. He isn’t using whatever I found on sale or something I bought in bulk. This was a product chosen specifically for him.

You don’t have to buy special things to make your son feel valued, my example is just one of many ways you can send that message. For example, my other teen son is nicknamed “Tech Support” because he is the most technologically savvy member of our family.

Whenever we need help with anything electronic, we ask for his help. His talents are valued by all of us.

Likewise, my wrestlers are strong. So when we need help moving something heavy, we ask for their help. Their strength is valued in our family.

Teach Him Positive Self Talk

We’ve all seen movies and TV shows where a character gives himself a pep talk in the mirror before heading into an important meeting. While that’s a wonderful example of positive self-talk, it’s not one many people are comfortable doing and it’s not the only way to do it.

Whenever you catch your son engaging in negative self-talk, help him rephrase in a positive way.


  • Instead of “I’m never going to understand this” try “I’m going to keep working on this until it makes sense”
  • Instead of “There’s no way I’ll make the team” try “I’ve been working really hard. I hope the coach sees my potential”

Encourage your son to identify positive things about himself. If he struggles, tell him the strengths you see in him.

When your son complains about something, first help him evaluate whether there is actual evidence that his belief is true. If so, talk him through what actions he can take to change things.

With enough influence from you and practice on his part, positive thinking will come naturally and confidence will be an unavoidable outcome.


14 thoughts on “How to Help Your Son Be a Confident Person”

  1. I’m having my third little boy later this summer. Helping my sons be confident and mentally strong has been a huge topic of conversation between my pediatrician and I. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and these tips. I love my sons more than anything and these tips are so helpful!!

  2. So helpful… my grandson lost his mother 2 years ago and he’s now 10….this was ver encouraging and helpful!!!

    • I’m sorry for your family’s loss. I’m glad this post is helpful. Thanks for commenting.

  3. Thanks for your article. I need to get some hygiene products for my son. We are stuck between children’s stuff & MY stuff. I’m going to look into the those you have in the article. All good ideas to think about. Thanks again.

  4. Love this article! The positive self-talk practice is a good idea. Thank you for the tips!

    • Yes I love this article too, it is a great idea for my sons especially the older whose self talk is so negative using this tool to reframe or rephrase I think is a cool technique thanks to you for sharing I appreciate you

  5. That’s really a great message to the parents of teenage boys. Especially me, My son is 16 like yours. And I notice that he is keen in having right fitting clothes, nice hair style etc. he spends 10min or more in grooming. And I appreciate his style and he values that .These simple acts can improve their confidence a lot.
    Thank you

  6. Thanks so much for this article. I have a 14 yers old boy, and he is suffering with so many insecurities, is hard for me cause I don’t really know how to help sometimes I think I make it worst. But reading this give some good points. Is so hard, thakns again.

    • I raised two successful sons. and one daughter. One son is 48 y/o and the other, my youngest child is 30 years old. So, they were from two different generations. The most important ingredient, I found, was faith in Jesus Christ. The other was consistency. I told them what would happen when they did thus and so and I kept my word. I also made sure they could read and write since I find public education to be very limited. I encouraged them to always reach further then what they considered their limits and to think critically. All of my children are married to their original spouse and my 7 grandchildren are all doing well. Teach your children what it means to have faith, be consistent, educated, and to think critically. If you do these things they’ll be fine. What you miss, God will take care of. Pray every morning early for your family. My kids like to pray early as well. God bless you. Linda

      • Couldn’t agree more. The main thing is Jesus and everything else follows. Set the foundations for the future.

  7. I am now a mother of three, and have confidence and am happy with me. But from grade school until the birth of my first child, I was crippled with insecurities. It consumed me, which made for a sad existence and I accepted very poor treatment from friends and boys, then later men. But to the point my fourteen year old son is exactly how I was in my past. I have done nothing but build him up his entire life, I have always done the things you explained in your article. But nothing I do takes away his insecurities. Do you have any further advice for me??? If you respond would you also forward your response to my email? I do not want to miss your words. Thank you, Erika

    • Hi Erika, I am emailing you my response, but wanted to add it here too for others who might need it. Sometimes there is only so much we can do as a parent. Our kids are born with unique characteristics and are also exposed to things outside our control and knowledge that can impact their behavior. I can relate to the insecurities you experienced since I grew up with many of the same. Personally, I only overcame them with the help of healthy relationships that I was blessed to develop AND some time with a counselor who helped me view my life and attitudes from a different perspective. It sounds like you are providing a healthy, supportive relationship for your son, but perhaps he needs more. I’d enlist the help and support of other friends and family members so that he is getting self-esteem boosts from multiple sources. You might also consider finding a counselor or therapist for him to talk to. With self-esteem issues, we often don’t want to tell the people closest to us about them because we don’t want to negatively impact those relationships. It can be easier to talk to an outsider, especially if we can do so in a way we feel safe. Further, the support and advice from an outsider can sometimes carry more weight since that person isn’t obligated by unconditional love to be positive about the person they’re speaking to.

  8. I think this article was extremely important!!! Society puts a huge emphasis on girls, but miss the mark for boys. I have 2 , ages 9&7, and I plan on getting them to believe they can be anything or anyone starting with the confidence boosting such as you are pursuing! Thanks for this!

    • Hi Diane, thanks so much for your comment. I agree. I love my daughters and their self-esteem is important, but as a society, we neglect the needs of boys. Enjoy those wonderful boys of yours! 7 and 9 are fun ages! They are so full of creativity and not all out of whack from puberty hormones yet.


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