I’m so sorry that you have to bear that burden. It sounds like your parents had a lot of regrets, especially when it came to the life they were providing for you and your sibling. They must have thought very highly of you and felt close to you to unburden themselves to you as they did. It doesn’t make it right, but hopefully viewing it that way can help you let go of some of the negative feelings you have about your role in the family. I wish I had something more to offer. Sending you virtual hugs and a mountain of respect for sharing your experience here.

I’m on the other side, I am a kid who likely was confided in, especially as I grew older, such as when I was in college. I remember my parents telling me things they didn’t like about one another, sharing their life regrets with me, or telling me about X problem going on and how it’s so hard and how they have no one to talk to…

It made me feel sad because I couldn’t do anything to help them. It made me feel like the world was an awful and unfair place. And when one of them spoke about how regretted marrying the other because of how much they changed, or one regretted the childhood they gave my sibling and I, or how one feels like a failure as a parent, it made me feel like I was a failure as their child. And it made me feel worthless because, if they could go back in time and change those decisions they regret, I wouldn’t be who I am now, or I wouldn’t even exist.

That was most definitely not their intent, I know they love my sibling and I dearly, but I can’t help how it makes me feel.

I agree 100%. I recently watched an episode of, “the Gilmore Girls.” When asked how I liked it, I replied that the mother and daughter were more best friends, than mom and daughter! And , that it would not be good for young, impressionable moms! I grew up in a very dysfunctional home, and I know from personnel experience that a teen age girl, or younger, wants her mom to set rules, and be sure they are followed. I use to wonder why, my friends got punished, and I didn’t! When you are a parent, and set rules, following them, and disciplining in love, your child feels love, and safe, too.

Cynthia, you are the perfect example of how close a mother and daughter can be without violating the parent-child role. The love and respect between you and your daughter is evident and I know you never tried to be her “buddy.”

Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Have a wonderful week!