You might have noticed the absence of a fashion segment here on Wondermom Wannabe. That’s intentional because when it comes to fashion sense, I don’t claim to have any. I do most of my shopping at Old Navy, Target, and Ross/TJ Maxx/Marshall’s. So, I’m not going to try to give anyone fashion advice. However, as a social spectator, I have a simple request. Please consult someone who cares about you before heading out in public. At the very least, please look in a mirror.
Yes, this flies in the face of the advice I gave yesterday (see “Beautiful Is An Attitude, Not An Attribute“). Assuming that this will not be an overnight transformation for most people though, it won’t hurt for you to remember a few rules about dressing yourself.
Don’t Pretend To Be Smaller
I don’t have the perfect body. If I try to squeeze into the size 2 pants that fit me two years ago, all that extra “skin” (okay, fat) has to go somewhere, a place we all know as a muffin top. This problem is easily avoided if I wear a size that actually fits my body now. The muffin top is hard to miss. If you had to hold your breath to button your pants and can feel the stitching expand when you breathe, you are in pants that are too small for you. If you insist on wearing those pants, please do not pair it with a skin-tight shirt or worse, a cropped top that exposes your bare midriff/muffin top.
Don’t Pretend To Be Younger
I was admiring a fit, young woman ahead of me on the subway, wishing I could pull of the adorable Charlotte Russe outfit she was wearing. And then she turned around. Hello, Betty White! That’s just cruel to others. Imagine if I had been a healthy, young male. Here he is working up a good daydream and mid-fantasy he’s facing his mom. It will ruin your day to turn around to a man grimacing in pain at the image you have just placed in his head. You get 10 years leeway. If it was designed for someone 20 years younger than you, don’t put it on!
Wear the Right Bra
Most of us are wearing the wrong bra size. Do a quick google search on “percentage of women who wear wrong bra size” and you will find that the general consensus is 80-85% of us are messing this up. Even a really well put-together outfit can be ruined by ski slope boobs. Don’t let this be you. Go get measured by someone who does it for a living, take some time to find bras in the right size that flatter your shape, and then buy and wear them.
Fix Your Posture
Have someone take a picture of you with your shoulders slumped forward. Then, have the same person take another picture of you with your shoulders pulled back and your head held high. Bam! You just lost 5 visual pounds. You’ll look taller, more confident, and your stomach will look flatter.
Only One Loud Item At A Time
That’s great that you love bright pink. It can be visually appealing in a pair of pants, or a shirt, or a scarf…but not all together. Likewise, don’t wear all of your favorite patterns at once. The plaid skirt IS adorable, paired with a solid colored shirt, NOT with the polka dot blouse.
Never Wear A Tube Top Or Overalls
I don’t know why tube tops or overalls are even produced anymore. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’re not and that all the ones that are in circulation were manufactured by hippies who were high on marijuana or LSD back in the 60’s and 70’s. Unless you are going to be hanging out with people who are doped up on something, they are not going to think you look good in either a tube top OR overalls. These clothing items are not flattering on any body type. And no, two wrongs do NOT make a right so don’t try to counteract the ugliness of each by combining them.