Hi Amira! Sending some virtual hugs your way. Let me start by saying, in just a short paragraph, I can tell you are a smart young woman! Not everyone can put down their thoughts and emotions in words as clearly as you did. Next, I want to talk to you as a mom and a long-time sufferer of low self-esteem. I’m not a professional psychologist or counselor so I’m not qualified to give you clinical advice, just some observations and ideas from my own experience. 13 is a very awkward age for many of us! Our bodies are changing quickly, hormones create strong emotions, and we’re edging towards adulthood but don’t feel ready to make lifelong decisions just yet. If you’re not feeling 100% confident about all you have to offer, that is perfectly normal (and I promise you that even people who look like they have it all together are struggling with the same thoughts and emotions). Since you aren’t comfortable talking to your mom, is there another adult you feel more comfortable talking to? Can you keep up communication with your counselor via email or telephone? Do you have a cool aunt, thoughtful teacher or someone else?

On your own, you can do your own positive self talk. I’m a writer so I write instead of talk. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself and commit to coming up with at least 10. Spend more time around the people you feel the most comfortable with (provided they aren’t a bad influence). Volunteer somewhere. If the current situation makes it hard to go somewhere, do it virtually or in your neighborhood (e.g. leaving friendly notes posted around the neighborhood or decorating your window with something positive that people will notice when they walk or drive by). Finally, I don’t know your mother so I won’t pretend to guess her reactions but if you’re avoiding talking to her because of what you ASSUME she will say or think instead of on what she has actually said or done, I encourage you to try opening up to her. She might surprise you with her reaction (in a positive way).

Hi Nikki, start with this post. It was written for parents to help their children, so ideally, share it with your parents, but there are also some resources at the bottom of the post that you might find helpful. Next, find time each day to do something that makes you proud of yourself. Whether it’s doing something kind for someone else, working hard on an assignment, or getting some exercise, make a conscious effort to do things that make you a better person and celebrate your efforts. None of us is perfect so don’t beat yourself up for imperfections. If you have trouble feeling good about your achievements, seek out friends, family members or trusted adults (e.g. a teacher or guidance counselor) to confide in and help you see the positive impact you have on the world around you. Sometimes it’s hard to know or believe until we hear it from others.

i have these symptoms and i am high school student . Is there any simple ways to improve yourself?

When I was a child, I had very low self-esteem even though I was a good student. So, I would let my “friend” copy my homework because the praise I got from her made me temporarily feel valued. Being used can take many forms, that’s just one example. Other examples are being the person who always pays, taking over someone else’s responsibilities, lying for someone else, or always doing what the other person wants to do. Pretty much any friendship that looks like a one-way relationship, one person does all the giving/paying/sacrificing in exchange for praise or recognition or just to avoid being cast aside.

I’m not sure why that was your takeaway from this post. This list of signs to look for doesn’t state that. Also, I don’t claim that displaying one or more signs is a sure sign that someone has low self-esteem. As someone who struggles with low self-esteem and as a mother who is concerned for her children and wants to do her best to bolster their self-esteem, this list was simply meant to help others look for signs that someone might need assurance and support.